Opinions and Judgments and Criticizing, OH MY!

Everyone has opinions, right? And I think judging and criticizing is human nature. But how do we stop that? Or at least control it.

I am probably one of the most judgmental, strongly opinionated and critical people you will ever meet. I know this about myself. I honestly make an effort not to be this way. I have made huge strides over the last 10 years to rein it in. I'm proud of that but I know it's an ongoing battle. Sometimes I'm so bitchy I can't believe it myself! Contrary to popular belief I do not think I am perfect or 100% correct. I am learning to admit my mistakes.

That is why I'm "venting" today. Someone told me today that a good goal for me is "be employed". I may be misinterpreting this comment as it was "written" and in cases of email, etc you can't get the "tone" of the thought. But since I get this A LOT, I'm going to assume it meant that I need to get off my ass and find a job. If you don't know, I am a "housewife". I do not have a job outside the home. I do not have kids. I have a husband and two dogs and at this time, a very small apartment to take care of. I have worked since I was 18 years old. I worked while getting my 4 year degree in three years. I have had a few months from time to time when I was unemployed. I have held several jobs in my nearly 37 years. In 2007 I found I could no longer continue at the job I had for a few reasons, one of them being ethical issues. My husband was at a point in his career that he could afford the bills and our lifestyle and he agreed that we could make it on his income. He encouraged me to quit my job as I was unhappy and becoming ill from stress. From the day I quit my job I began hearing the criticism. I was lazy. It's not like I had kids to take care of. Why did I think I was too good to work? My husband actually loves having me home all the time. I did all the chores in the house, mowed the lawn, fixed his coffee and breakfast at 5 am, packed his lunch and had his dinner on the table when he got home. I worked out and got exercise, something I "never had time for" while working. I kept myself busy by learning to sew and doing crafts with my girlfriends then I volunteered at a retirement home a few days a week. Yet people still criticize me. I don't get it. It is none of their business. If this choice was good for me and my husband, why is it anyone else's business? I could see it if I were drawing money from the state. I could see it if I were asking people for money or aid of some sort. I could see it if I weren't being a productive part of society and weren't paying my bills. But I am productive. I was active with two community organizations as well as my volunteer activities. I also work with an organization supporting our troops serving in the wars. Where did anyone get off judging me! People do not know the sacrifices we have made to allow me to stay home. We have one income. We do not travel as much as a lot of our friends. We rarely take a vacation and if we do it is usually short and cheap! We have one vehicle. We live in a dinky little apartment that is far below my standards. (Ok, that's the snob in me talking!) We don't go out to events, concerts, etc as much as some people do. That's not really a sacrifice as we tend not to enjoy such things much. But we have made the decision to not do these things because we don't want to and my happiness and sanity is very important to both of us.

It's not just me that is criticized for my choice. I know lots of "stay at home moms" who are judged harshly for choosing to stay home. Well guess what, I personally think THEY ARE RIGHT! My opinion is that if you have kids you should stay home to take are of them. Why are you having children for someone else to raise? Why is putting more money in the bank more important than being there for your kid's first steps and first words? Yes, taking care of kids is expensive. But the most of the working moms I know of aren't working to make ends meet. They are working so they can buy new cars and flashy jewelry and pretty clothes for themselves and their kids. They are taking vacations several times a year. Well, that's just great, if that's what they want to do. But don't bitch to me that you are never home to take care of your kids and see your spouse. That is YOUR CHOICE. If you chose tighten the belt and stop spoiling your child with everything they whined for you could stay home too. My point is, it's a choice. And it may not be YOUR choice but you should respect others enough to not trash talk them because you disagree with or don't understand their choice. I think that's what we need to learn. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion but we don't need to share that opinion with everyone all the time. This is something I'm struggling with. Believe me! I am aware. I get so frustrated sometimes when I see people doing things that I disagree with and that "in my opinion" are wrong. But I'm learning to bite my tongue. I may rant and rave here at home but I'd never tell you that I think you screwed up raising your kids. Oh, I have done this in the past and when it comes to my family, I feel the right to voice my opinion and to criticize. Especially when what I'm seeing is harmful in some way to the kids or when you bitch and whine to me. If you constantly want to tell me your problems, I am going to tell you what I think. Fair trade, don'tcha think?

Everyone is on social media websites. I love being able to stay in touch with friends and family. And I know not everyone is going to agree with everything I say on these outlets. I encourage and actually like having mature discussions on "controversial" topics such as politics, etc. Note "MATURE". Part of having a mature discussion, I feel, involves getting FACTS. Do not spew crap on my page. If you want to throw in your two cents worth, fine. But please, do it respectfully and don't feed me lies and propaganda. And when I suggest you look into the facts, either do so and continue our conversation or refuse to do so and shut the hell up.

And when I post about something that is important to me, such as ending animal abuse, don't waste my time arguing against it. That just makes you look like an ass and wastes my time. I despise people who find it necessary to belittle me or insist on goading me into an argument when it's something I feel strongly about. Just because you don't believe in something (or anything) strongly enough to stand for it, don't criticize me.

Wow, I think I got a little off topic. But I also think I covered my issues for today.

Everyone has opinions. It's human nature to judge and criticize. But we really need to take a good look at ourselves before we voice all of our opinions, judgements and critical thoughts. If it can't be done in a mature, responsible way, don't do it.

Now, if I can just practice what I preach!

I will not call someone a doody-head. I will not call someone a doody-head.

I will not call someone a doody-head. I will not call someone a doody-head.

I will not call someone a doody-head. I will not call someone a doody-head.

I will not call someone a doody-head. I will not call someone a doody-head.

I will not call someone a doody-head. I will not call someone a doody-head.

:o)

When is enough, enough?

This blog idea came to me as I was listening to a "This American Life" story about prison inmates doing the play Hamlet. The journalist met the inmates and got to know them after they were incarcerated. For most of them, he didn't know what crimes they had committed. He learned to like them for the people they are NOW. Then he went to the records office and looked up each one of his new "friends" and saw what crimes they had committed. Murder, rape of children, etc. He felt sick. He liked these men but how could he after he knew what they had done in their past.

This story got me to thinking about my oldest brother and how I feel about him after his numerous trips to jail. Then I thought about another family dealing with the bad choices of some of their relatives. And I read an article about cutting people loose, ending relationships with friends and family members.

So, starting with my original thought...My oldest brother is Trouble! (Note that capital T. NOT a typo!) He is in his early 50's and has "done time" on several occasions. I can't even begin to count the number of times he's been in jail. And I don't even know all the reasons. I have been told that he has made the statement that he "has done it all", referring to the 10 Commandments he's broken. That would lead one to assume he's committed murder though I have no proof. I know he lies and steals and sure as shit doesn't honor our parents. That's enough for me. He walked out on his wife and three children, not supporting the kids monetarily or emotionally. When he did have his oldest son with him he allowed his new "companion" to be abusive. He has lied to my parents and done things to cause them grief and financial hardship without a second thought. For those reasons alone I had written him off. I wanted nothing to do with him. But still, he called me every year on my birthday, just three days after his. Of all my siblings, he is the only one who has never forgotten my birthday. I took his calls and was civil but I don't think I was overly friendly. When I moved to CA my mom told him where I was and gave him my new phone number as he was going to be in my area. Oh, Mother! WHY?! ("He's your brother.") He did call but I wouldn't give him my address. I fear he is like a bad penny and would keep showing up. I admit, avoiding him was easier than facing him and telling him I wanted nothing to do with him. I still did not want to hurt his feelings. Instead of having him come to my new house I agreed to meet him two towns over. I met him at Wendy's. It was the first (and so far only) time I have met his youngest daughter. We talked for hours. He was clean. But honestly, if I had seen him on the street I don't think I would have recognized him at all. (We had not seen each other in person since the mid 80's.) And if I had seen him as a stranger on the street my thoughts of him wouldn't have been nice. But he was family so I agreed to stay in touch. He called about every month or so just to check in and spin stories. Then, he stopped calling. And he hadn't called my parents. Mom mentioned that he must be in jail. Yep, he was. It's amazing what you can find on the internet these days. I found his mug shot, where he was being held, his charges and bond. Well, he was released after a couple months, he began his calls to my parents then one day they stopped, again. Mom said he must be in jail, again. Then Mom told me he had started calling my parents collect. My parents are on a limited income and do not have funds to waste on stupidity. He would yell "It's Jr, I need money" when the operator asked him to state his name. How he could have the nerve to ask my parents for money is beyond me. His current wife called my brother's old cell phone and left a similar message. I did the research but couldn't find as much info this time. So I called the jail in Fort Worth, TX. Yes, the nice man said, he is here. He's being held on two charges, bail is set at...I stopped listening. I asked him if they didn't have a three strikes law in TX? He said yes and this was his third arrest (THERE at least) but that he'd be able to get out. I told him the family said they can keep him, we don't want him. He laughed but I didn't. I was dead serious. He spent his 50th birthday in jail. I sent him a nice letter and told him to stop calling the parents for money as they didn't have it and wouldn't bail him out even if they did. (Mind you, my parents have called the law on him before!) I told him to lose my number as he was not the type of person I wanted to associate with, relative or not. I did however tell him if he would make sure we knew how to contact him I would let him know if and when something happens to our parents. I did that for THEM, not him. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. He didn't call for a year. Then, on my 36th birthday, while I was having a party with my best friends in CA, he called. I let it ring. He called back...I took the phone to my husband and asked that he handle it, tell him to stop calling. Pat answered and when Jr asked for me he told him I wasn't there. And he hung up as my dog ran out the door into the yard at that very moment. Jr told my parents he had had a nice talked to Pat on my birthday. Wow...nice conversation.

I told my parents the day I mailed the letter to him. I told them I didn't speak for them but I am done with him. DONE. Mom still gives me the guilt trip sometimes. "He loves you. He asks about you every time he calls." Then the next time we talk she'll tell me how he is such a loser and trash. In the months after I sent that letter I truly struggled with my decision to cut him out of my life. I mean, he hadn't done anything to me personally. And he was "blood". Did I have the right to cut him out of my life completely? Pat and I talked about it and I came to realize that yes, I have that right. I have the right to NOT associate with bad people. Just because we share a parent doesn't mean I have to put up with ignorance and stupidity and illegal activity. If we didn't share a parent and he were just another person I met along the way, I would have nothing to do with him. I am at peace with my decision. I wish him no harm, as I told him in the letter. I really hope he gets his life together and grows up. But I'm not going to be a part of his life.

We were recently the victims of a crime (theft) and it made me think of my brother. I told Pat with the way I was feeling towards the horrible people who ripped me off how could I have any sympathy towards my brother who has committed crimes against other people?

I've rattled on enough for today but I think there shall be a When is enough, enough? PART 2.

Oooo...I'm heartless.

I am amazed at the outpouring of grief I've seen over the last two days for Ryan Dunn. (If you've not been into the Jackass scene, he is one of the goofballs who does all the stunts for the Jackass movies and TV shows, as well as some other entertainment ventures.)

I'm a fan of Jackass but I think these guys are idiots. Fun, nice enough guys, but idiots all the same. They've made us laugh. I HOPE they have done more for the world than that, but I don't really know. I've not heard of any of their "good deeds". But then again, aren't good deeds supposed to be done without gaining anything? Ok, benefit of the doubt, they have done wonderful things.

But, it wasn't some tragic "accident" that killed him. It wasn't an airplane falling from the sky or him choking on a peanut. No, he was supposedly driving 130 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. Hello Moron! NOT SAFE. Dare I say STUPID. If I could talk to him I'd remind him how he was an irresponsible jackass who has brought a tremendous amount of pain to his loved ones. Some stupid, careless act that could have been avoided has cost him his life and left a huge empty spot in the lives of those who loved him. Stupid, stupid...

And don't even get me started if they prove this was a case of DUI. I guess we should be grateful some innocent bystander wasn't hurt.

I guess that is really mean of me, huh. But I can't help it. If this were a loved one of mine, I'd be sad and hurt of course. But I'd also be pissed that he did something so unbelievably STUPID. I have many loved ones who smoke, even after watching other loved ones die from lung cancer. We all know smoking is "bad". So if they get lung cancer, I won't be surprised. I won't be the one saying "why them?!" I also won't say "I told you so". (Well, maybe I will. Ya never know. I am that much of a bitch.)

I guess I'm just annoyed by society as a whole. Really, we are so distraught when someone like this dies because of his own stupidity. But where is the reaction and sadness and heartbreak when a service member dies fighting for our country? Or a police office is killed in the line of duty? Or a poor innocent dog is starved to death or beaten by an ignorant human?

Ryan Dunn is not a hero. He was a stupid guy who got rich and famous for being stupid. And unfortunately his stupidity cost him his life.

Rant, rant and rant some more

I've heard a couple news stories and received a few emails lately that have just burned my butt.

First, there is a group of physicians that want to "retire" Ronald McDonald because he is an advertising gimmick aimed towards selling bad food to kids. I'm getting so sick and tired of someone always jumping up and trying to place blame on anyone and everyone besides who is really responsible. It is up to PARENTS to teach their kids to eat healthy foods. It is up to the PARENTS to say "NO". No, you can't have McDonalds five days a week. When did "NO" become a horrible thing for parents to say?! I don't see many little kids getting to McDonalds on their own and using their own money to buy nuggets. Am I missing something? Americans needs to suck it up and take responsibility for their individual actions. We should not have to get rid of icons of advertising just because a bunch of parents don't have the backbone to stand up to their kids or are too freaking lazy to cook.

(As a side note, I have NEVER smoked a cigarette in my life. Yet, I though Joe Camel was awesome.)

Second...we recently got an email of a large, ignorant black woman declaring her support of President Obama. She was saying how she LOVES "Amerca" because now she's going to get the Obama healthcare plan and get free medical care. HELLO?!?! Does anyone use their heads anymore? We have free medical care. It's called WELFARE. I know so many people who don't lift a finger to work yet are perfectly able to do so. They get food stamps, SSI, free medical, free childcare, etc. I support a healthcare plan that will offer help to people like MY PARENTS who have worked hard their entire lives yet can't get much in the way of any help whatsoever. What we need to do is overhaul the SSI and welfare systems. Maybe then we'll have some money to pay off our national debt and fund Obama-care. How about, if you are going to get welfare of any sort, NO DRINKING ALCOHOL AND NO CIGARETTES. Why am I paying to feed your kids yet I don't waste my money on booze and smokes but YOU DO?!?!?!? Why am I paying to take care of your kids and I can't afford to take a vacation BUT YOU DO!?!?!?!? How about if you are going to get SSI, you have to actually be SICK? "I can't work because I get nervous" isn't a legitimate reason to not work. Guess what? I get nervous too. I have major anxiety attacks. I get so nervous before appointment, meetings, interviews that I spend an hour or more sitting on the toilet crapping my guts out. BUT I AM STILL WILLING TO WORK!!!! How about not allowing people who get SSI, welfare, etc to run to the doctor just because they have a freaking headache or a splinter. Why do I pay for them to run to the doctor 8 days a week but when I have a headache I take care of myself with oh, aspirin?

The other "viral" thing that has had me pissed off recently is the "the death of Osama is not a victory for Obama." WTH does that mean?! Did I miss Obama patting himself on the back during interviews and taking all the credit? People have actually said in one post "this is a victory for all Americans" and in the very next post "this is NOT a victory for Obama". Excuse me? Obama IS an American and he IS the leader of our country. It was a victory for Obama. He is the one who made it a priority to continue hunting him down. He ordered the mission that caught him. I love America but sometimes the complete ignorance of Americans baffles me.

And while I'm ranting...WHY would anyone consider voting for Donald Trump? The man is a lying, cheating piece of shit. He is ignorant. He has run how many businesses into the ground? Oh yeah, let's put him in charge of our country. He has no clue what he is talking about, ever. He is rude, crude and just plain gross. If Trump ever become president...I'm leaving.

And so, in closing...my something positive for the day. (You thought I forgot my plan to say one positive thing each post, didn't you?) Yesterday I got mail from my CA family. After my last post when I was so down about having left them, it was much needed. There's something about getting pictures colored by a 3 yr old and a 7 yr old that just makes everything better. I also got to talk to one of my CA family on the phone this weekend. :o) All is right with the world now. (Until I get another stupid email.)

Moody blues

First, let me say I am VERY happy to be back on the right...well, East coast! I really feel we are east coasters for sure. I love the green, the smells, the actual WEATHER!

But I miss my house. And I miss my ravens, who should have a nest full of babies about ready to leave home. And I miss my irises. And I miss my CA family most of all. I am sad I haven't gotten to meet baby Jack and I'm sad I'm not there to see new baby Ethan. And I'm missing Ian's third birthday. I miss craft days at Cyndee's. Especially the ones when I got no crafting done. ;o) I miss hearing about "my" kids' school days. I miss Tuesday night dinners at the lodge and parades. And impromptu lunches and dinners at Tom's. And I really miss those chubby little fingers stealing croutons and veggies off my salad.

The last 12 months or so have been pretty tough. I've lost two people to the evil Big C. I didn't realize I'd still think of them every single day. I didn't think I'd still be doing double takes because someone looks just like one of them. I guess I didn't realize just how much I liked having him around and seeing him several times a week. I hope he knows how much he meant to me. And I hope the other one knows as well. I didn't see him often as I was growing up but he was my favorite. (Shhh...don't tell.) I hope they found each other on the other side because I really think they'd hit it off. They were both jokers and caring guys. And they both liked NASCAR! When I get too sad that's what I picture. Those two men sitting around bull shittin', having a smoke and a cup of coffee. (Ya think they allow that in Heaven?)

So that's my mood today. Kind of blah. But I'll shake it off and get back to my normal happy self. (Ha haaa! Really, I AM happy.)

Here's to a happy life!

William and Kate got married today. You most likely know who that is, unless you've been living under a rock. I admit, I watched a little of it on CNN this morning. I wanted to see Kate's dress. And I wanted to see William's reaction the first time he saw her in it. I'm a hopeless romantic I guess.

What I find amazing is the snarky comments I'm seeing on FaceBook. Ok, so that's not the best place to be spending my time I guess. But I do spend a lot of time on there. And what I'm seeing out of my friends/family is not very nice.

I can totally agree the 24/7 coverage has been irksome! Like there's nothing more important going on in the world? But, ok...go ahead and cover it. What I don't get is the awful things people are saying. I've seen "she's only after his money". Wait, from what I've seen and heard, the royal family doesn't have a lot of their own money. I mean, the tax payers foot the bill for their lives, right? Maybe I'm wrong. But did you know Kate, while considered a "commoner" actually comes from a pretty wealthy family? Yep. Her parents were both flight attendants. Then her dad was a flight dispatcher. And her parents own a party supply business. So, I don't think she's gonna need "his money".

Then there's the "they'll be divorced in five years" comments. Wow, just wow. What kind of person is so bitter that they naturally assume people will get divorced at all, let alone in such a short time? Maybe they will. But I'd prefer to hold on to the hope that they'll be different than the most recent royal couples. They really seem to be in love. They sure don't seem like Princess Di and Charles were at the time of their marriage. Of course, I'm sure we are seeing a very scripted view of them. But they still seem so different than other couples I've seen. And really, who are we to judge? We only see what the press shows us, which is only what the royal family wants us to see really. As my husband says, you never know what things are like INSIDE a relationship unless you are in it.

I just really think it's sad to see such negativity. Why don't we put out good thoughts and wishes for the newly weds? Maybe it will get into the universe and help keep them from being another divorce statistic.

All this wedding talk reminds me that in just 17 days it will be our 13th wedding anniversary. I hope William and Kate are as happy as Pat and I are. That's my wish for everyone!

CHEERS!

Selfish ramblings

Wow! It has been well over a month since I've felt the need to rant enough to get on here. I think part of that is due to my new found hobby of jewelry making. I'm much more peaceful and relaxed now.

BUT, spending a day with my family has brought up some anger so I might as well put it to use.

Last Sunday my Uncle Marvin died, after kicking cancer's ass for nearly two years. (His plan was to "kick cancer's ass" and he put up quite a fight!) As if losing such an important member of our family wasn't enough my family has to add even more drama. Someone didn't call someone else when it was evident that he was actually dying. Then someone wasn't able to make it to the services so half the family is pissed at him. Really, we have to fight RIGHT now, about all this petty shit?!

I think I did pretty good about keeping my cool. I would walk away when they started. I let it roll off me. I was there to say good bye to my uncle and to let my Aunt 'Laine now that I love her and I'm sorry I didn't make it to see Uncle Marvin before he passed.

But that doesn't mean it didn't get to me. I had to hear bitching about the brother who couldn't make it. He tried. I talked to him EVERY DAY last week and discussed his options. It's funny how I was told "it's ok if you can't make it" but they get pissy when he has to make the tough decision to stay home. And all this reminds me about my "going away" cookout. My friends from college came, some from as far away as PA (with their 8 month old baby who had had medical issues since birth). Yet my siblings who live in OH couldn't make it. A week or so before the cookout I made the trip from VA to WV to get my mom and she and I went to OH to see the family. One of my brothers wasn't home, even though he knew we were coming to his house. So mom and I ran all over trying to find him. He wasn't at any of the places he was supposed to be. Oh well. I was told none of my siblings from Ohio could afford to come see me for my going away party. Ok, whatever.

Less than a year after moving to CA I flew to Ohio to visit for my nephew's high school graduation party. My brother, the nephew's own father, refused to come to his kid's party. So, my mom called and told my brother we would be over to visit the next day, before I left town. We drove to my brother's house and he and his wife were GONE. They had decided to go out 4-wheeler riding after they were told we were coming over. How is that acceptable behavior?!?!?

My sister is the only person in my family who has made any effort to visit me since I moved to VA in 1998. I have told each one of them (except my oldest brother whom I have basically disowned) that they are welcomed to visit. Even my oldest brother contacted me and came to visit when I lived in CA. Yet I'm expected to run to Ohio to visit them.

In December 2009 my sister and I had a disagreement. My brother David decided to get involved. From what I was told "he thought if I got mad at him Amy and I would make up". Yeah, that makes sense. Well, when he butted in I attempted to call him SEVERAL times so we could discuss the issue as adults. He would not accept my calls and would not call me back. All he would do is text "bullshit" to my cell phone, several times in a 30 minute period. The things he wrote on my FB page were absolutely horrible. I have my doubts he actually said most of them though. I suspect his wife was more involved that she'll admit. When I told him to stop contacting me or pick up the phone like an adult, he finally stopped. When he had surgery this summer I sent him a card (and money to buy the ingredients to make some cupcakes that I sent the recipe for. Figured that would be better than flowers). My mom knows he got the card but he claims there was no money. I admit, I could have forgotten to put it in the envelope as I was dealing with the imminent death of a dear friend. But I doubt it. He even called my cell phone and left a message that he loved me. I didn't answer the phone b/c I was sleeping. Sleep was something I didn't get much of while spending two weeks watching a friend die. Now, if I had threatened him, as he said I had, why would I send him a card and why would he call me? If I had told him to "lose my number" as he has told I did, WHY would he call me and why would I respond?! I sent him a Christmas card, as I did the rest of my family and he actually wrote "refused, return to sender" and sent it back. Wow! Sadly I had already mailed his birthday card. He kept that. Mom told me he "really regretted" sending the Xmas card back. Please. He regrets that my mom chewed him out. That's all.

I sit and think of all that I've put up with and I get so angry. I'm 36 yrs old. My sister remembers my birthday every year. It's hard to forget my birthday when her son was born on the same day! My oldest brother, who I have told to stop contacting me b/c I don't really want a crook in my life, always remembers my birthday. In fact, this year, after I had told him to never contact me again, he attempted to call THREE times. (Gotta give him credit for that!) My youngest brother also never forgets my birthday. But the other two boys? Well, they NEVER REMEMBER. (And one of them, his WIFE and I share the date.) Except two years ago. I had gone camping. And when I returned I had messages from ALL 5 of my siblings. I told Pat something wasn't right about that. My mom later admitted that she called and told them to contact me b/c I was home sick. Wow, thanks mom. Way to make me feel loved. Tell me that you had to REMIND my siblings that it was my birthday. Warm and fuzzy feelings right there. On the other hand I don't think I have ever forgotten their birthdays. I may have sent a card late, but I never forget them. Even when we aren't getting along well.

I just can't understand why I am always told to be the bigger person. Why am I told to rise above and not sink to their level? Why aren't THEY told to grow up and be better people? Why do I have to accept them being assholes towards me? Why is "well, that's just how he is" an acceptable reason for being a douche bag?!

I "love" my family very much. I just really don't "like" them sometimes. And I actually feel guilty about that. I wonder if they ever feel guilty for how they have treated me in the past? Somehow I doubt it.

Fate?

I don't know if you believe in "fate" or the universe helping out or whatever people call it these days. But I have to tell you I do believe in it and I'll tell you why.

Pat had ALWAYS said he'd never live in CA. He never even liked visiting CA when he traveled for work. I had never been there but wasn't in much of a hurry to do so because I had family that lived there (I thought) whom I didn't care to run into. Well, in July 2005 Pat landed an interview for his "dream job" which happened to be in CA. He interviewed and had an offer towards the end of July. We were at a time in our lives when we had no real obligations (no house, no kids in school, no sick parents) and were ready for something new. Things just fell into place. I was at a point in my career where I was ready to leave my job. His new company paid for us to break our lease (just a month). It just seemed "right".

We drove across the country with one dog in tow and had a great, uneventful trip. We found a HUGE house to rent in our price range (even though that was a bit of a headache). Things were good.

In the fall of 2006 we bought our first house. We didn't want to stay in LA County as prices and taxes are too high so we looked just a little outside Lancaster at a town called Rosamond. It is TINY. There are a few stop lights and a couple fast food joints and ONE grocery store. We found two houses we loved and made offers on both. One offer was countered and we accepted. We were going to be homeowners! We got settled and everything was great! Sometime after we had moved in Pat decided to join the local Masonic lodge. I didn't know much about them but I trust him to make a good decision so I agreed. He went to the lodge, met the guys and started the paperwork. I joined him for a dinner or two at the lodge and met some wives and the guys. Nice people. Now, I don't make friends easily and neither does Pat. We are both pretty quiet people, believe it or not. But I started going to the monthly lodge meetings with Pat and got to know the ladies. Come to find it out, one of the brothers, and Pat's coach, lived around the corner from us! We fast became friends. And as we spent more time there we got to know his coach's biological brother (also a Masonic brother). After establishing a friendship we were invited to the 2nd brother's house for a party. On the way there I remarked that the neighborhood looked familiar. It should have as just around the corner from our friends was the second house we had made an offer on! I find that pretty amazing. Either house we would have bought in Rosamond would have been about a block from this family. And, to make it even "spookier", the house Pat really wanted (b/c it had a pool) was on the same street as the mother of these brothers. Coincidence? I think not! I can not tell you why but for some reason I truly believe we were supposed to meet this family. And I feel this so strongly because in the short amount of time we spent with them we became very close. I love that family every bit as much as I love my own biological family and extended family. I can not imagine my life without them. Leaving them was the hardest thing about leaving CA.

In July of last year (2010) my CA Family, as I've grown to call them, suffered the loss of one brother. I think of him every day. I do not know why but again I BELIEVE he is still around us. Not long ago I was upset about something that could have caused a nasty fight between Pat and myself. I fell asleep on the couch and dreamed Brother Dave and I were having a chat, just like old times. And he told me not to be too angry. I had no idea what that was about when I woke up. But a couple hours later when I got the news that would have caused the EPIC BATTLE, I remembered his words. And just today, again while stewing about an issue (funny in that it was related to the previous issue) I was walking the dogs when I heard a sound that immediately transported me back to that street in Rosamond. "AUUGGGAAA" ! That's the only way I know how to spell it. It's that sound those freaky old horns on old vehicles made. Brother Dave had one of those on his kart. That sound will always be associated with him in my mind! But why would someone here have that horn? I can not explain it. I can only say that it make me stop to think about Dave and what he'd tell me if he were here. And I calmed down.

I do not know why we were supposed to meet the Willerford family from Rosamond, CA. And I may never know the whole reason. What I do know is that I was supposed to meet them and I am so very blessed for having them in my life. So thank you Fate or The Universe, or whatever, for making that happen!

Kids today...

I tell ya.

I pride myself on being the "cool" aunt. I don't feel like (or act I'm told) like I'm 36 yrs old. I can relate to the kids today on some levels.

But my goodness, more often than not I find myself wanting to pick up the kids of today and smacking their asses! I do not have kids...BY CHOICE. But not having pushed a kid through my vagina doesn't mean I wouldn't make a good mom or that I don't have some clue as to how kids should be raised and treated. I am so sick and tired of parents whining because their kids are heathens. Guess what Mom and Dad, your child is what YOU MADE THEM. Got a mouthy, disrespectful kid? Take a close look at how YOU talk to and act towards others. Kids learn what they see and are exposed to. Can't have a conversation without screaming? Bet your kids can't either. You want them to pick up after themselves yet 1) you don't pick up after yourself and 2) you never taught them to do so in the first place. (Ok, this may not be true 100% of the time. I know this because my parents raised 6 kids and not all of us turned out quite as good as we should have. However, even the jailbird is polite and respectful.)

I find kids today to be selfish, mean-spirited and ungrateful. I guess that's because most adults seem that way too. Again, how can I expect kids to be different when that's how the parents are? There is a group of kids in my life that are the exact opposite of most children I'm in contact with. They are quiet, respectful of adults, appreciative when they receive a gift, no matter how small it is and frankly just a joy to be around. Do you know why they are like that? Because their parents have taught them! And while I'm not a blood relative, I am considered "family" and have been told I have every right to discipline their kids if need be. This is in direct opposition to members of my own family who think I (or anyone else) have NO right to correct their kids yet they don't want to correct themselves. I'm not saying I have any right to spank someone's kid if Mom or Dad is around. But if I've told your kid to stop doing something bad (like torturing caged birds) and told YOU that your kid needs taken in hand and you don't do it...I will discipline your child (and that could include a quick smack on the butt). Just ask my niece, A.

I don't think kids should be little adults who never get out of line. That's how they are going to learn life lessons and become good people. I enjoy sitting in my apartment watching the local kids playing football or playing on the playground equipment. The laughing, squealing, fussing...it's being a kid. Tearing up a giant stuffed dog and spreading it's pellets all over the yard and leaving it for maintenance to clean up? UNACCEPTABLE!!

I'm not saying I was an angel growing up. I had (and have) an attitude problem sometimes. And I understand growing up in the country as I did, far from neighbors and friends, caused me to be a little different. But that's ok. I wouldn't change how I was raised. It made me the person I am today. And while I may be a bit of a bitch sometimes I am also a caring, sensitive, empathetic person who tries to make my world a better place. I grew up pretty poor and was taught the value of a dollar. I knew better than demanding anything! Not today's kids. Some recent examples I've heard:

Dad needs an operation? I don't care. I WANT A LAPTOP and you will get it for me. ***Um, no. And talk to me like that again I'll knock your teeth out.

I need to see a specialist because I get headaches while walking across the room.

Specialist says it's b/c I refuse to wear the brace I HAD to have and the glasses I HAD to have.

***My solution, you'll wear the glasses and brace (if I have to put it on you and come visit you throughout the day to make sure you are wearing it). And the money I wasted on a specialist will come out of your allowance.

You want ME to carry laundry down stairs? How about doing it yourself MOM. And if you don't feel up to it, maybe you shouldn't work so hard at your job.

***Oh, your shit would be on the lawn and the locks would be changed, you 20 yr old ingrate.

These are just a few examples I've heard lately. And you know what these parents did? Whined to me about the situation but did NOTHING to use them as teaching moments.

You are not showing your kids "love" by neglecting to teach them how to be productive adults. Shame on you parents. We wonder why we have a bunch of people who think they deserve everything handed over but don't want to do anything for themselves.

A lot of parents blame MTV and such. Well, WHO puts a TV in their room and pays for cable and doesn't monitor what they watch?!

I could harp on this subject for days. It gets me nowhere but frustrated! I just pissed off a couple of the kids in my life by telling them things their parents won't. I figure they'll get over it eventually. :o)

I Love Us! (Sorry for the mush...)

I LOVE the new ad for Hallmark this Valentine's Day. "I love us." How true is that!

I'm very lucky to have found my best friend back in 1992. We have been together ever since. I mean, we've been apart due to travel for work or family engagements and so on but we've never had a break up. (Or flash back to "Friends"... we've never been on a break.) There was only one time I wasn't 100% certain we'd stay together but luckily he came to his senses. And even then we didn't break up. We were merely having a discussion as to where we were heading.

We don't have what I'd call a normal relationship but I wouldn't trade what we have for anything else! We are totally honest with one another. We are secure enough to let one another have our own space and interests. I don't have to go with him every time he goes on a cycle ride with his buddies. (In fact, I encourage him to go without me. Everyone needs a little "me" time.) He encouraged me to go on a girls only weekend with my best girlfriends. But we also don't like to be apart for long. We support each other in whatever crazy interest or idea we come up with. I don't care for sports and am not particularly active but I'm there for every one of his triathlons, even when we had to leave the house before 4am. He accepts that I don't want to participate but appreciates that I'm there. I'm one heck of a cheering section, complete with a home made uniform! He doesn't understand my obsession with Harvey's bags but gladly drove an hour or more to stand in line with me for a special release "party" (even when I didn't even buy one of the special releases).

We are so abnormal that one of our friends actually warned his girlfriends about us before letting them meet us. He warned that we are not a typical couple and to be prepared to hear "bitch" and "asshole" thrown around, in a totally loving way of course. We attempted to be all lovey dovey when meeting his newest girlfriend but it didn't work more than two minutes. He even asked what the hell was wrong with us!

This year for Valentine's day we are doing nothing special. Just a quiet evening watching some things on the DVR. A totally perfect evening in our book. Valentine's day always makes me remember our first one though. He was late picking me up because he had stopped on the way to my house to pick up a card...and locked his keys in the car. He had to call his Aunt Brenda to bring the spare set of keys. Hee hee! He did call to let me know he would be there eventually.

I know how very lucky I am and I thank God every day that I have found my best friend. I hate to get so mushy. But the calendar dictates it, right?

Here's one of the songs that we consider "our song". (We have many.) It's just a song that makes us thing of the other whenever we hear it.

You and Me by the Plain White T's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTU23rWsnkc

You and me, we like the same kind of music
That's why we, make a good you and me
We got style, baby we know how to use it
That's why we, make a good you and me

You know what I'm going to say before my mouth even makes a sound
And that's why we make a good you and me

You and me, we couldn't stand being normal
That's why we, make a good you and me
We both laugh, at the most random situations
That's the key, baby don't you agree?

You know what I'm going to say before my mouth even makes a sound
And that's why we make a good you and me
I know from the sound of your breathing exactly what you are feeling
This is why we make a good you and me
Make a good you and me
Make a good you and me
You and me

Ah ah ah ah
You and me, all we need is each other
That's why we, make a good you and me

You know what I'm going to say before my mouth even makes a sound
And that's why we make a good you and me
I know from the sound of your breathing exactly what you are feeling
This is why we make a good you and me
Make a good you and me
Make a good you and me
You and me

Woe is me!

Well, I had planned to write a humorous blog today but now I can't remember what I was going to write about.

It seems my blog has become a battleground. That's no fun at all.

I can take criticism (though not always well) and I encourage open dialog. But if you are going to respond please refrain from being disrespectful of (to) my family. I guess that's kind of what started the whole negative thing I've got going on.

Yes, anyone reading this has the right to make comments and you don't have to tell me who you are. I was wrong in stating that PNC needed to man up and tell me who he or she is. But I stand by my reason for my asking for a name...if you are gonna talk trash I should know who you are. AND maybe no trash talk was meant but that's how I interpreted it. That's the bad thing about using any form of "writing" to communicate. Things are always interpreted!

So...I've regrouped and plan to continue on with my blog. But to ADD to my "rules", Please don't talk about other posters/followers (as in tell personal info about them unless they have told you to do so) and DO NOT TRASH TALK ABOUT MY LOVED ONES!! :o)

Thanks!

I'm not ill but here's my...Thoughts on Dying

I'm only 36 years old but over the last year or two I have to admit that I have been giving a great deal of thought to what I want to happen when I die. I think this has all come about because of the loss of three people in my extended family and the serious illness of yet another person I love. For some reason I can't get it out of my head. Sometimes I'll tell Pat "when I die I want..." and he'll tell me to put it in writing because no one will believe these are my wishes. So I've decided to focus on my demise today and what I would want done. (It won't be too morbid, I promise.)

First, if I am ever diagnosed with a terminal illness and there is really no chance for me to be saved, I don't think I'll go through too much treatment. I'd rather be comfortable and have a short life than be miserable for years. I hope my loved ones can accept that. I've seen it go both ways and I think QUALITY of life is more important than QUANTITY. And part of that quality is to have FUN! So, if I'm ever diagnosed with cancer or whatever please be prepared to attend my wake while I'm still alive! I think it was the movie The Weather Man (2005) that gave me this idea. Why should the end of my life be all doom and gloom? Everyone is going to die. I'd rather spend the last of my time here having fun and spending time with my friends and family. We'll have all my favorite foods, drinks and games! There will be NO sad talk. Kind of like my last birthday...only hopefully not for a long, LONG time!

When I finally do die, be it from the above mentioned illness or suddenly, sooner or later, I do not want a funeral that is all BLACK. I don't really care for black. Although it is slimming! I LOVE color! So when I go, want a memorial service (not a funeral) and I want everyone to wear colorful clothes. Heck, a Hawaiian theme would also work well since I do love the beach. I told my mom this once and she said she disagreed. So I told her if she outlasts me I'd put in my will that everyone attending my funeral would have to wear pink tutus. She decided bright colors wouldn't be so bad. (I was going to say something about a funeral having "fun" in it but thought would be tacky.)

And I don't want a religious funeral. I want a memorial service at most. (And only if my friends and family want to deal with it.) Something like what the Masons do. I do not want some preacher yelling at my friends and family when I die. I want my life to be the sermon. I don't need someone to stand there and tell you all about me, what I did, etc. I sure don't want you all to be told how to live your lives.

I think I want to be cremated too. This has caused some arguments between my parents and myself. I've been struggling with this for some time and (while I hope I don't have to make this decision for a LONG time) I think I've decided on cremation. I think I made up my mind when I saw the beginning of The Rite (2011) in which a woman's mouth is sewn closed and eye caps were inserted into her eyes. I do not want anyone doing this stuff to my body. I think it's just gross. Really, how is burning my empty shell worse than sticking things in my eyes, gluing them shut, sewing my mouth shut, pumping me full of chemicals? UGH! I got queasy just typing that. (I also just looked at a website that explains the process of embalming and that stuff is all true!) I don't need a fancy urn either. Just put me in a coffee can or something. Actually, I'm on the look out for a cookie jar I like. Once I find one I'll let someone know where it is so you'll know how to find it when the time comes.

As for the service, if you all decide to have one...Remember FUN! I'm going to be working on a play list to help you all out. And I'm still thinking I want The Death March played when someone carries in my cookie jar full of ashes. Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmWLyp_o7S4

Though I would like a snazzier version.

That's all I have planned for now. But next time I tell Pat "Oh, I want that done at my funeral" I'll be sure to pop on here and make a note.

Until then I'll keep on living and having fun! Life is too short not to enjoy it.

Send your husbands to Jessica's Boot Camp: They'll learn to help out around the house or get a boot in their ass!

One thing that really pisses me off is "men" who think they are too good to do housework. Seriously, having a penis does not prevent you from washing dishes, running a vacuum, doing laundry...any of those wonderful household chores women are "expected" to do. This fucked up attitude is just behind abuse and cheating in my list of things I hate about MAN.

I am the youngest of six kids. My mom was a stay at home mom until I was in high school or college. I was lucky, I know. But to support such a large family my dad worked two and three jobs at a time while he was physically able to work. And you know what? He also came home and helped my mom take care of the house and the kids. He has always helped cook and clean. To this day my dad will help with chores inside the house besides doing the farm work. In fact, there are some things my dad cooks BETTER than my mom. When my mom has to go out of state to see or help the other kids, my dad keeps the house clean. He doesn't let dishes pile up at all! He does his own laundry and even runs the vacuum several times a week. (And BTW, my dad did not have cushy office jobs. My dad did hard labor, like working in a foundry.)

My husband has done housework as long as we have lived together (longer even). He actually used to be a better housekeeper than I was! While I was working he usually had dinner on the table when I got home, did the dishes, laundry, cleaned the bathroom, etc. Even now that I'm not working (and when I'm not dealing with a broken foot) he helps out! And even though I'm not working or stressed out because of a job, he insists I get out of the house and have fun with my girlfriends. I don't know how I got so lucky to have an awesome dad and an awesome husband but I'm very thankful. Maybe I chose a husband who was helpful because I expected men to be that way.

It takes everything I have to hold my tongue when I hear my friends' husband give the girls a hard time because the house isn't spotless while they have been running after kids all day. I have yet to see one of those men do 1/10 the work the ladies do. I'd love to sit there for a weekend and watch these men run the household by themselves while also waiting on their wife.

Women, if you have a husband or son who acts like this, I'd be happy to hold "boot camp" where I teach him to do some fucking housework OR put my boot up his ass. His choice.

Bad Movie Saturdays

Our Bad Movie Saturday started with us going to an early showing of The Rite starting Anthony Hopkins. Anthony Hopkins was amazing, as always. One of his best roles yet. That's the only good thing I can really say about the movie. It was quite a disappointment.

This evening we watched (part of) Mega Python vs Gatoroid on SyFy. It is the BEST bad movie I think I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of B movies. Thank you SyFy for putting 80's stars Tiffany and Debbie (I mean Deborah) Gibson in a movie with horrible special effects and worse acting! Wow...just wow. I wonder if people who star in and make such awful movies sit back and think "that was awesome!" Or do they KNOW they are making a piece of sh!t?

Believe it or not, this IS a positive post b/c as bad as The Rite was, Mega Python vs Gatoroid totally made up for it. We LOVE bad movies, when they are apparently bad on purpose. And we didn't waste $12 to see it plus $9 buying snacks. Just a few hours of our lives.

What bad movies can you all recommend for our next Bad Movie Saturday?

I love a good fight!

First, let me start with my POSITIVE note for the day: It is Friday! YAY! Now, that doesn't mean as much to me as it does to you employed folks, but I'm happy all the same. I love having weekends with my husband.

Now, for my RANT!

I will try to keep this as brief as possible but some of it is just too good to leave out!

If you've seen my FB in the last two days you'll know we've been having issues with our rental office. Sadly, this is not a new thing. But my dealing with it is new. Previously Pat dealt with them because he didn't want me to get too angry (and possibly get arrested). But since we've not had hot water in over 36 hrs and no heat for over 24 hours I decided to take matters in my own hands. I have not been able to reach the office by phone for two days. I keep getting an answering service. Some of the kind folks at the answering service didn't even know The Avant (my apartment complex) was one of the clients they were answering the phone for. Does that seem odd to anyone but me? Actually, before getting the answering service I actually pressed O to leave a message. I got Ishmael's voice mail. I left a very nice message just letting them know the issues. Trust me, it was nice. I know this because I felt like I was in a sugar coma after leaving it.

Well, after calling today but getting the answering service I bundled up and walk to the office IN THE SNOW, on a broken foot no less. When I got there I was greeted by Matt, AN ASSISTANT manager. I thought I'd give him a chance. He had NO answers for my questions which were 1) Why were they using an answering service that didn't even know they were a client? 2) Why could I never reach a person when I called, regardless of when I called (i.e. in good weather, etc)? 3) Who was Ishmael whom I'd left my nice message for yesterday 4) Why were they not communicating with the residents better to let us know the situation with our heat/water? 5) What is the number to the corporate office?

Well, Matt really couldn't answer the questions at all except to say: 1) The answering service has a lot of clients. (Well duh...but shouldn't it come up on the phone or computer as to WHO the caller is trying to reach?) 2) No answer for this at all. 3) Ishmael was no longer with them. (Uh, ok...why do I get transferred to his voice mail if he isn't here any longer?! He did not like it when I asked if they purposely forwarded calls to a dead mailbox so they wouldn't have to get the messages.) 4) No answer again and 5) Whew...He did NOT like me asking for corporate. It was actually quite funny! When I asked he said if I was dissatisfied with his handling of the situation I was to speak to his boss, that was protocol. Oh please. Protocol, schmotocol. He said he wasn't afraid to have me talk to corporate but it wasn't protocol. I said fine, I'll talk to your boss but she's useless as we have dealt with her before. As he was going to see if she was available I asked if the office building was heated and if my dogs, my husband and myself could camp out in the lobby. He got so mad! It was awesome! He yelled "You are not allowed in the office after hours." I said, not IN the office, just in the lobby. HE yelled again "you can not stay in the office! We have personal files in here!!" Geesh, can't take a joke. After about 15 minutes he came back with the head of Maintenance to have him explain the heat/water situation. I said I don't need to hear it from him, I want to speak to Lisa, the manager, to get corporate's #. Man did that make him angry again! After giving in and letting Mr. Maintenance explain for the third time what the situation was, I said I was ready to see Lisa. Matt explained she wasn't available. I simply said, "Ok, is she in a meeting? On the phone? I can wait. How long will she be?" He YELLED again that "She is not available. She is not meeting with residents today." Of course she isn't. She'd rather let her assistants take all the crap. So I thanked him for his time, left my number for Lisa to call me TODAY and left. I ran into two other residents in the lobby and advised the place sucked and good luck getting any help. I told them Matt refused to give me corporate's # but that I could find it. One of the other residents told me the name of the corporate office. Stellar Management. I found their number, address, etc within 2 minutes of walking in my door. I'm giving Lisa until 5pm today to call. First thing Monday, I'm calling Stellar.

(Oh, and as I walked out the door I heard the guy who told me to look up Stellar Management tell Matt he had been without heat and hot water for 2 days. I have a feeling Matt was having a very bad day. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.)

I do so love a good fight. I should have been an attorney. Too bad I can't control my temper.

LET IT BEGIN!

My rants on Facebook and MySpace have led to several people asking me to do a blog. Why? I have no idea! Maybe they like knowing someone is nuttier than they are. Maybe they feel like I say things they wish they could. (Sometimes I don't think I have a filter.) Maybe I'm just entertaining. (I hope so!) So here goes...

What can you expect ? Rants, rants and more rants! And possibly some raves. I'm not all doom and gloom. In fact, every day I'm going to attempt to say something positive because I know I have a lot to be thankful for. You won't agree with me all the time and that's fine. But please keep in mind that this is MY little part of the cyber world. Please be respectful and I'll try to return the favor. I encourage you to respond, comment and question me. Just show me the respect I deserve, even if you think I'm a raving lunatic!